Hey everyone,
Ever had that weird, heavy feeling in your stomach when something good happens to you, but you know a friend is going through a super tough time? Or maybe you survived something difficult, and you can’t shake the feeling that you don’t deserve to be okay when others aren’t? If so, you’re not alone. What you might be feeling is called survivor’s guilt.
It sounds intense, right? But it’s a common human emotion, especially for teens.
What Exactly Is Survivor’s Guilt? ❤️????
At its core, survivor’s guilt is the feeling of guilt experienced by those who have survived a traumatic event, or are doing well, while others didn’t, or aren’t. It’s not just about big, dramatic events; it can show up in smaller, everyday ways too:
- When a friend is struggling with their mental health, and you feel guilty for having a good day or laughing.
- If you get into your dream college, but a close friend didn’t get into any of their top choices.
- After a breakup where you’re moving on, but your ex is still really hurting.
- When you recover from an illness or injury, but someone else you know is still suffering.
It’s that voice in your head saying, “Why me? Why do I get to be okay when they aren’t?”
Why Do We Feel It?
Our brains are wired for empathy and connection ????. When we see some-one we care about in pain, or when we compare our situation to someone else’s, it’s natural to feel a sense of unease or even responsibility. We might think:
- “I should be doing more to help.”
- “It’s not fair that I’m happy when they’re sad.”
- “Maybe I could have done something differently.”
These thoughts, while coming from a place of caring, can trap us in a cycle of guilt.
It’s Okay to Be Okay (Seriously!) ????
Here’s the most important thing to remember: Depression and guilt want you to believe you don’t deserve happiness, but that’s not true. Your well-being doesn’t take away from someone else’s pain. In fact, being in a good place yourself often makes you more able to support others.
Think of it like this: if you’re on a plane and the oxygen masks drop, they tell you to put yours on first before helping others. You can’t pour from an empty cup!
How to Deal with Survivor’s Guilt
- Acknowledge the Feeling: Don’t try to ignore it. Say to yourself, “Okay, I’m feeling survivor’s guilt right now. That’s a valid feeling.”
- Talk About It: Share how you’re feeling with a trusted adult, friend, counselor, or therapist. Saying it out loud can take away some of its power.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. You wouldn’t blame someone else for being well, so don’t blame yourself.
- Channel Your Energy: Instead of getting stuck in guilt, think about what you can do. This doesn’t mean you have to fix everything, but maybe you can:
- Offer support to your friend (listen, spend time with them).
- Volunteer for a cause related to what you’re feeling guilty about.
- Find a way to honor or remember those who are struggling.
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to limit your exposure to things that make your guilt worse, and it’s okay to protect your own happiness.
Survivor’s guilt is a sign that you have a compassionate heart. But don’t let that compassion turn inward and harm you. You are allowed to live, grow, and find joy. ????
If these feelings are overwhelming, please reach out for professional help. Resources like The Jed Foundation, The Trevor Project, or your school counselor are great places to start.
Stay strong,
Ms. Crump